Welcome back to ‘Learning to ride the the waves’. Previous lessons linked to this post can be found here.
Following on from my previous blog here are my suggestions to help you with the next stage of your ‘lifeboard’ and riding the next set of emotional waves.
Lesson 4 – Grey Days, Dark Days, Wrong Days or Wet Lettuce Days?
Call them what you like, we all get them. You know, those days when nothing is right and you just can’t put your finger on it. Days when everything is dark, even when the sun is shining and you are feeling quite ‘low’. This is NOT depression however. Everyone gets these types of days and it’s harnessing your understanding of yourself – ‘knowing you’ – which is the key to getting through these days. Some will tell you to snap out of it and stop being so miserable, others will shower you with support and encouragement. However, it is only YOU that can find what works for you as each and every one of us are different. What strategies works for one may not necessarily work for another. So my suggestion is for you to begin to REALLY understand YOU and find what helps and what doesn’t. You can only be the master of yourself by truly knowing yourself. Honestly, learn to KNOW YOU.
When you finally get through one of those grey, dark, wrong or wet lettuce days, you may be surprised that at the peak of happiness again, you will realise that these types of days can bring you better days as reflecting upon your journey out these days makes you stronger and emotionally healthier. You may have had a heartbreaking loss or cannot be with someone, but what it does at that given time, it gives room for others to be in your life, if you choose to let them in. What can seem the end of the road can sometimes be a fork or a beginning of a new one. Your conscious thinking will help you understand and relate to endings linked with beginnings or hooks into other things. Riding the ‘lifeboard’ of emotional turmoil is natural and it’s part of who and what we are. Remember if you don’t experience the grey, dark, wrong or wet lettuce days then your appreciation of the good times is less heightened, the ride will not be as thrilling.
When there is balance there is hope. When there is hope you can get through anything. But, you must take time for you. No matter how grey, wet, dark or lettuce like the day is, sometimes it’s about just getting through it and surviving until the next. No matter how powerless or difficult things may seem, ‘giving up’ is not an option. You give up, you let yourself fall off the ‘lifeboard’. No great surfer became a master without practise. After all, practise makes perfect. So get practising knowing yourself on your ‘lifeboard’ – learn to ride those waves, whatever their strength and however powerful they are.
Lesson 5 – Historical negativity has no future
Emotions are much easier to cope with in the ‘here and now’. They are, quite simply that: emotions. Worrying, obsessing or churning over what has happened in the past end up being emotional stories rather than what you experience in the ‘here and now’. You cannot change the past, but you can map a future or live as adventurously as you want to in the present. Burying or storing disappointments or negative emotions from the past can only fester and cause anxiety and stress. Ride the ‘lifeboard’ and release yourself from the knot of turmoil from the past and move with and into the future. Face the difficulty, release it or talk to someone about it. Do not let it build up inside so that you are continually mulling over what was done. I like to call it ‘The Power of Now’ not of yesterday, as living with the present emotions you have are easier for you to cope with, whether they are difficult, negative emotions or if they are the feel good factor ones.
Lesson 6 – Be a bendy flexi Wendy or a bendy, flexi Bob – plain Slinky!
Change is important. Change brings variety and options. Some life changes are difficult as you may need to let some things go. Yes, like the song ‘I Will Survive’ – despite the lyrics it’s a good up-beat tune and song that may lift your spirits anyway……
If you know you’re unhappy and you’re living a lie, then why live it when you can survive and be flexible and cope with your emotions. Difficulties will pass, healing will take place. After all, our lives are but short lived in this world and it is better to live a life without regrets than to live one with them. You’re not doing anyone any favours by being an Oscar winning actor/actress by pretending you’re happy and content, when deep down you are in pain because you are so unhappy. Dream, grow, succeed and prosper as a happy person not one who will be bitter and have regrets. This is why being a bendy, flexi wendy or bob is a good way of looking at you and your emotions and riding the ‘lifeboard’, It’s like being an emotional, flexible Slinky. If you need to change something to become happier do it, your emotions are flexible enough to heal.
Life changes every moment, and so can you, by being flexible and riding the slinky ‘lifeboard’
Lesson 6 – No one is perfect!
Every one of us is unique. We all have perfections and imperfections which are normally seen through the eyes of others. Who decides how perfect or imperfect we are, is us. Sometimes you can be imperfectly perfect because your unique differences make you ‘you’. It’s about understanding your own ingredients and how sometimes they may change. You can get things wrong and still be quite smart because reflecting on what might not have been quite right, means that you are able to evaluate and reflect on your actions and your thoughts. We can occasionally let people down, but still warrant total adoration and love from others. None of us get things right all of the time, but that’s the ‘lifeboard’ for you. It’s all about learning to ride those waves. Setting yourself up to be perfect all of the time will cause confusion, anxiety and an undue pressure on your emotional stability and balance. Take the imperfectly perfect route and that’s the wave which will get you to the calm, warm, sand part of the beach.
So, let me conclude these ‘lifeboard’ (learning to ride the waves) lessons by offering you some suggestions for an award winning surf of your life.
DO……make time for you and you alone.
DO…..understand that some problems are simply problems and over thinking them really does make a problem, rather than moving on and not being negative about the past.
DO……the right thing by admitting if you are wrong, you’re wrong. You’ll get more respect for that than fighting your corner for attempting to justify you are right.
DO……choose to say ‘No’ when you think you should say ‘yes’, because next time you say ‘yes’ to something it will be more valuable and have impact then constant ‘yeses’.
DO……think about being interested more in other things than making yourself more interesting (whatever that may look or feel like)
DO…..think about how much freedom you do have if you make the right choices, do not choose to live a lie and be unhappy.
DO……water the grass you’re standing on rather than thinking it’s much greener over the fence.
DO…..take time to reflect on the great and the good in your life rather than the dark and the bad. Make a list, say it out loud, tell someone and tell yourself how great you are at so many things.
DO……choose to embrace the transitions in your life however difficult or easy they are. One chapter closes, another one begins. You can write your life story and learn to ride those waves in so many different ways.
DO……let me know your thoughts
I’m off to practise my ‘lifeboard’ skills.
Over and out